Nhau News Online News that is accurate, reliable, trustworthy!!
By Dr. Elias Chakabwata
Rarely does a day go by without a headline on crimes of passion. It is indeed a scary situation as folks have gone beyond reason and have taken the law into their own hands as a result of conflicts arising in relationships that seldom end with fatalities.
A close assessment of these conflicts between couples and partners reveals that communication breakdown would be the spark that ignites a fatal or near fatal end result. How do we come to this? It is simply because either party to the marriage or relationship failed to practice self-management.
Self management is the ability to restrain emotions even when facing serious levels of provocation. Consequently, innocent people are losing precious lives or ending up maimed for lack of this self control. The other unfortunate part is that this crucial ‘subject’ is not taught at school, thus most resort to social media where they are often misled.
With the advent of social media all sorts of dubious characters have emerged and are becoming a resort for many who view them as ‘role models’. These so-called role models mislead them by inculcating western values, that are a taboo in our traditional African culture, Christianity, Muslim or Hindu religious way of life just for money and ‘hits’.
Dwelling on our African perspective, erstwhile roles whereby aunts and uncles preserved the institution of marriage or relationships through their teachings are being replaced by social media, a scenario that spells disaster in lasting unions. Before marriage there were thorough preparations and at times group counseling for partners to be prepared for marriage life.
With changes taking place at an alarming pace, this is rarely the case nowadays. Family systems have been disintegrated and replaced by social media and movie houses which are now being idolised by would-be partners as champions of relationship advice.
Research reveals that increased usage of social media is the chief culprit in relationship and marriage breakdowns. Levels of infidelity are increasing, conflicts are arising from disagreement or hurt feelings. Connections between partners are slipping due to decreased time with one another as they are constantly glued to social media.
Who is he/she talking to? Who or what is making him/her smile yet ignoring me? All these questions boggle the mind ultimately brewing jealousy, rage and a decrease in self-esteem thereby leading to divorce or fatal gender-based violence that puts authorities to task.
Just this week media reports alleged that Paul Mutezo (35) of Epworth in Harare killed his wife last Sunday on suspicions of infidelity arising from social media. He allegedly beat his wife with an iron bar on the head after falling into a rage when he failed to access messages on the device due to a password she had activated to lock the phone.
He was remanded in custody after being charged with murder.
Last month, the Zimbabwe Republic Police (ZRP) raised alarm over an increase in recorded murder cases countrywide mainly attributed to domestic violence arising from infidelity issues on the part of couples.
National Police spokesperson Assistant Commissioner Paul Nyathi said they were receiving such reports on weekly basis through a statement which related that three women had been murdered on three separate occasions within a space of three days.
He said on May 28 this year, Nyarai Masauso (41) died whilst admitted at Parirenyatwa Group of Hospitals after being struck with an axe several times on thighs and stomach by her husband only after a dispute over suspicions of having an extra marital affair on May 26, 2023 at Watyoka Mine, Watakai, Concession.
On May 26 again, Sikhangezile Tshuma (39) allegedly had an altercation with her husband, Darlington Sibanda (36) at Patalika Business Centre in Tsholotsho who accused her of having an extra marital affair.
She was found dead with bruises all over the body including a deep cut on the forehead, in a shallow grave which was covered with a cloth, in a bushy area near Gulalikabili Line, Tsholotsho the following day.
In another incident, on May 28, 2023 at Flem Flora Farm, New Parliament, Mt Hampden, Harare, Alexandra Gezi (52) struck his wife, Rita Rore (42) with a hoe on the head several times after accusing her of infidelity. She was discovered dead with deep cuts on the head after her daughter had alerted neighbours of the attack.
As a result, issues of anger management ,conflict resolution and emotional intelligence need to be taken seriously. Therefore; teachers, civic leaders, traditional leaders, religious and spiritual leaders need to be taken through critical trainings to equip them with the necessary skills to deal with these social issues that have torn apart the social fabric.
All these issues have grown at an unbelievable rate and as a people we need to recalibrate the way we deal with them. They have bedeviled our society to the last rung and it is time for some intervention to bring these ills to an end. We cannot bury our heads in the sand and just wish the situation will change on its own. We have to be deliberate, by being intentional and purposeful in our approach resultantly helping us to deal with this monster called crimes of passion.
Dr Elias Chakabwata is the president and founder of Impact Training Institute (ITI), a Harare-based training institute specialising in training, equipping, moulding and nurturing leaders for maximum positive impact in their spheres of influence. He is a marriage counsellor and leadership coach with vast experience and expertise in these matters contactable on +263 784 288 687.
Readers can visit his website: www.impacttraininginstitute.co.zw
Nhau/Indaba
