No means No, nomatter where you are

Yesterday social media was lit with debate on sexual consent, all this triggered by a certain young lady who alleged her friend had been raped by her boyfriend when she went for a sleep over at his house.
The girl had lied to her parents that she was going to sleepover at her lady friend’s place which put her on a tight spot on how to report the rape when she had lied about her whereabouts.
Due to depression, the girl went on to commit suicide.
The discussion trended on twitter while drawing many comments on other social media platforms including Facebook and WhatsApp.
The issue of consent is sometimes confusing to many men. There is a general assumption that sharing a bed or agreeing to sleepover is agreement to have sex with someone.
Even many ladies happen to think that too, but this doesn’t necessarily make it legal.
A video of a young lady saying you don’t visit your boyfriend’s house let alone sleepover and expect not to have sex went viral. It was a response to the suicide story.
She goes on to suggest that if sex were to be out of the picture, one’s boyfriend would see them in public.
Many men supported the notion, but forcing oneself on someone, who have explicitly communicated their refusal to have sex, is illegal and can lead to one’s arrest and subsequent imprisonment for rape.
If one’s is expecting sex, it is wise to mention and discuss it before the lady comes over. They may even agree beforehand and they still have the right to change their mind even after having taken out their clothes.
Any form of coercion is rape. Even when it comes to one’s spouse, having been married for years, its still rape.
There is however a problem with law enforcement when trying to report such incidents. Some online comments suggested that sometimes police officers dismiss those reporting sexual assault even before they go before the courts suggesting that visiting one’s place for an overnight escapade is ‘asking for it’.
It’s worse when it comes to spousal rape when most of the police officers believe, conjugal rights supersedes one’s right to refuse sex.
The issue of one having paid lobola is often thrown in the mix, thus a supposition that one have right to do whatever they wish with their wives’ bodies.
The law is clear, rape is rape. Morality is also clear, one cannot force themselves on someone without their consent and expect the relationship to remain the same.
Because of the general thought on consent, though wrong, it is wiser for young women to desist from visiting their partners when they know they have reservations on sex.
It is also vital to teach young people on sexual consent while they are still growing that they would live their lives with the notion no means no. Nhau/Indaba